So here it goes. The most terrifying post of my life.

Some of you who know me will probably chuckle and say, “what are you talking about Mary this has been you all along!” well, you may have known it but I did not. Call it fear, call it spiritual warfare, call it distraction, never did I ever expect to make this decision for my life.

The last few weeks of my father‘s life, during one of my many emotional breakdowns in front of him, I questioned my entire life purpose. It felt as though everyone around me knew what they were supposed to do in their life, but me. I begged my dad to tell me what to do. “Dad, just tell me what to do with my life and I’ll do it!” As the tears rolled down my face like a lost little girl about to lose her daddy, he looked at me and smiled as if he knew something I didn’t.

He said, “babe, you’re the ONLY one I know I don’t have to worry about. Look at where you’ve been and the things you’ve done. Right now, your greatest job is to raise those boys and be the mom and wife that your family needs. But one day, the boys will get a little older and start school. And when the time is right, God will show you. He has the perfect time and the perfect plan that he will show you when it’s time. I believe you won’t have to do a thing… He will just put you on the path of where you’re suppose to be. Don’t worry. I’m not worried. You will find your way in due time.” 😭

(I’m so glad you can’t see the mascara running down my face as I write this, missing his voice)

He always believed in great things for me. ALWAYS.

And, he was right. About being set on the right path at the right time. It’s just something I never, ever, EVER expected….

About a month ago, I reconnected with a former coworker, our beautiful host for the Women Of Faith conference that I traveled with for 6 years. She had decided that during this quiet season of quarantine, she was going to use her talents and experience to begin coaching and raising up new speakers. (I’m a writer, NOT a speaker), but for some reason, without thinking, I asked her for more info about her workshop. My heart sank when I found out that we could really not afford the extra expense for something I was terrified of doing (and probably would never do) in the first place. Well, I prayed that night and couldn’t sleep thinking about it. I have no idea why it was so heavy on my heart to join her group of ladies! This was a silly thought 💭 anyhow…

But, God.

The next morning, while on hold paying bills and making calls, an email came though from my sweet Jacksonville friend and leader of my Thursday night virtual bible study group. Apparently, God prompted her to raise a certain amount of money the week prior to send me, and was to deliver it this exact morning, the morning after I found out the cost of the workshop. I about passed out on my floor.

The amount she sent me was exactly what I needed and what I had been praying for the entire night…. for God to make a way if this is what He wanted me to do.

So He did.

Tonight we wrapped up our final session and our next steps are on my to do list. I made the most amazing friendships with other like-minded women and we are now committed to holding each other accountable even in the midst of fear to carry on this calling that we feel God has placed in us.

To be a speaker. To tell our stories. To shine a light of hope to those whom He sends us.

I’m not sure what this will look like in the coming months or years, but for the first time in my life I have never been so sure of who I am or who I am supposed to be for the glory of God. Now that I know what he has called me too, I look back and laugh at all of the preparation and the bright neon signs that anyone else may have seen, but me.

So my first step, the hardest step for me, is to declare to the world that I, Mary Nastukov, am a speaker. Not just a writer. I am at the very beginning of my journey towards being a professional communicator and could not be more terrifyingly excited 😆 .

I have had a million doubts, fears and lies going through my head from day one, but my heart is jumping for joy and gratitude that I not only got the answer I have been waiting for my entire life, but I get to spend the rest of my life helping others find the same strength, courage, healing and hope that I have found in mine.

If you have made it this far, you are a true friend and I thank you for walking out this journey with me.

Stay tuned for more posts on my wobbly beginnings and, I’m sure, many bloopers as I work through my fears and learn how to refine my communication skills to be as effective as possible and serve as many people as possible.

If you have any advice or connections for me, I would love a private message! My homework is to work on my website, my bio, and my demo reel which means that I need some speaking opportunities to get my feet wet.

Thank you to all of you who pray for me and follow my life. It has been an interesting, messy, complicated and absolutely beautiful journey! 💕

Have mercy on me…. I’M A SPEAKER!