This will be my 4th year “participating” in our church’s annual 21-Day Awakening Fast. Though it feels that every year my entire heart, mind, and spirit is fully involved in this nationwide church commitment, I have realized today that I have sadly allowed the enemy to steal away some potential blessings and breakthroughs in previous years. Here is my story…
Year 1, January 10, 2008 was the beginning of my journey to a fully committed God-first life. Because I had never actually ‘fasted’ before, and I already had a hard time keeping weight on, I decided to commit to one full week of the Daniel Fast. That week my life grew permanent roots around the rock I had chosen to build myself around. You see, for that mere week of surrendering all of my struggles, all of my pain, all of my distractions and exhaling to find rest in wherever I knew God to be (church, the bible, christian radio), I found a brand new life. Even though I could not physically commit to the full 21 days, God knew my heart, saw that it was broken, and yearned for his comfort and healing. It was the very beginning of discovering who I really was in this world. Discovering why I was made. Discovering how much I am loved.
By year 2, I was much stronger in my faith and understanding, and decided to commit to the full 21 days. Between traveling around the country for work 4 days a week and finding the appropriate quick meals while I was home, I began to find myself ignoring the hunger pains, skipping meals and not thinking twice about my sacrifice. It became completely normal to not eat. Don’t get me wrong… I absolutely LOVE food (and usually eat whatever and whenever I want because of my high metabolism), but something was not quite the same the second year. Perhaps it was because I knew that my heart was finally on the right track, I didn’t give God the time or passion that He wanted from me to just SEEK HIM. Maybe my big transformation was only suppose to happen once, and everything after that was just going to be baby steps towards becoming stronger and wiser. Maybe it was a huge breakthrough because I was full of junk the first year and now I am cleansed and whole! Of course it’s not going to be the same! There’s nothing like not having God, and then being consumed by Him. Nothing will ever compare to that overwhelming encounter… or will it?
By year 3, I had lost so much weight because my eating habits didn’t change much from my fast. I ate when I remembered to eat and put everything else in my life before taking care of my body. Work, friends, travel, ministry, church… eating could wait. I was too busy! When Awakening 2010 came around, I realized that it would probably NOT be smart to fast food again. I should have probably done the opposite! Instead, I decided to fast the things in my life that were distracting; Facebook, TV, movies, etc. and commit to a more regular reading plan. Still though, even less transformation and breakthroughs this year. My heart was discouraged, but nonetheless, I knew God was doing some major things in my life and perhaps Awakening was just not the time He was going to use for my breakthroughs.
Since then, though I am fully committed to joining anything our lead pastor Stovall Weems asks of us, I don’t feel much excitement or hope for the fast. Sadly, I have felt as though the enemy has taken this powerful tool that would elevate my faith, and used it against me due to my weaknesses. So I had decided to devise another plan for 2011: Beginning January 1st, I had gotten confirmation to begin the fast early, and commit to a “15-Day Challenge That Will Change My World” which was instigated by my recent job loss. This “fast” that I had dedicated myself to has had it’s really amazing triumphs so far in my personal life, but still, something was missing. I felt disconnected from my brothers and sisters that were giving up pleasurable food for 3 weeks. I’ve found myself justifying my decision by saying that I was still going to “fast what I find pleasure in” such as Facebook, phone, email, and entertainment as much as possible. I also expressed my anger towards Satan, not wanting to allow him to continue to use this fast to break my physical body down. It wasn’t until this morning that I realized my perception was totally wrong. I realized that God spoke to me.
I was up late last night writing Chapter 4 of my first book, and decided to stay up until 6 a.m. to view the very first Awakening Virtual Conference. From the moment I heard about this conference, something in my spirit was stirred! 10 minutes, 3 times a day, hearing from spiritual leaders and pastors from all over the country!!! I was genuinely excited! Like a small gift of wisdom coming from God’s chosen leaders all with their own stories, their own techniques, and their pure desire to encourage and empower anyone who wants to listen. Amazing.
This morning’s conference was about Esther, who was facing a very difficult decision. What I extracted from this lesson is that even though she didn’t have much time, she knew and trusted that it could only be through prayer and fasting that she would receive the right answer and direction from God. That small, but monumental act is what brought her peace in knowing this is everything that she has in her power to do.
Later this day, I received an encouraging email from a good friend of mine who was passing along an article with some helpful guidelines and insights for those who participating in the Daniel Fast. I’m not sure if it was the guilt of not participating, the sorrow I felt for not being able to, or the curiosity of what this article had to say, but either way, the words had seemed to jump out of the screen and grab me! It wasn’t that the information was so obscure, or such a rare discovery of knowledge, it was a simple understanding that this blog editor shared of the TRUTH OF FASTING. She mentioned that the “intention” of fasting by saying we will fast TV or internet, is NOT how Jesus intended it at all! Whooooaaaaaa. Hold on a second there sister! I thought it was the heart that mattered? Well, the voice in my spirit said to me, “How badly do you want ALL of the blessings and breakthroughs that God has for you? How much faith are you asking for?” Can we say, CONVICTION?! Mark 9:29 CLEARLY states that Jesus told his disciples that some miracles, some breakthroughs, some demons, can only be conquered with the faith that comes through prayer and fasting. PRAYER AND FASTING, Jesus said. And if we take it seriously, we will study what He meant. It is, after all, the faith to break our chains, push through our obstacles, and elevate our understanding that we’re after, isn’t it? If so, it isn’t our own make-believe fast that we create around our comforts and abilities! It is the fast that JESUS seeks from us that extends PAST our comforts and abilities! Take the time to click on this link to read more about the truths about the fast Jesus calls us to, so that you don’t miss out on the blessings and breakthroughs you seek this year.
Now as for me, I have been placed in such a time as this (my current situation), for the purposes of realizing this: GOD, NOT SATAN, has control of my life. Therefore, I should fear nothing, especially the strategies of the enemy that want to rob me of my blessings. In the last days of 2010 I lost my job, said goodbye to my 2 best friends (they’re now engaged and dedicated to their significant others), and have found myself without the tasks and ministry commitments that usually take up my time. All of this just before the new year. Just before Awakening. “I want all of you right now my sweet little heart. All of you. There is nothing else for you to do, nothing for you to fear. Let me consume your every moment so that I can guide you into the next season of your life.” How did I not see this before? It truly was through the perfectly timed God-moments of the day that brought me to this clear understanding.
Pastor Larry Stockstill from Louisiana spoke today the message that confirmed the call to fast in my heart this afternoon. His powerful story about God’s power through this time spoke directly to my craving spirit. He said that we are all searching for at least one breakthrough. Whether in marriage or relationships, business and finance, ministry, or healing, we were all needing something. It came upon me that I was actually in need of ALL of those things!
Father, today I am committing to you this time of true, passionate, humble fasting. Above all things I pray for Your will to be done in my life. This year you have brought me to a place of bare bones; a place of total surrender. I ask in the NAME OF JESUS for you to put the pieces of my life together this year to reflect your perfect plan for this moment in time. I pray for my upcoming surgery and physical healing of my Endometriosis through the natural or supernatural; I pray for financial provision and a job opportunity that I will love and thrive in; I pray for the ministries of CultureShock Magazine, Fuse, and Blameless to flourish in whatever place or purpose you have called them to for your Kingdom; I pray for my writing career and book project. For my desire to be a published author as a permanent, lucrative and successful calling; and lastly I pray for the love of my life. May the husband that you have chosen for me come in YOUR timing, Father, but I pray that you will grant me the gifts of marriage and family soon in my life. In all these things I trust and love You more than I could ever express. I honor You and will bless Your Name forever.
AMEN.
VERY HELPFUL SITES FULL OF WISDOM, TRUTH… AND RECIPES!!
Dear Miss Mary 