In one month and 14 days I will turn 31 years old, yet I feel like my time is just beginning. For so long I was blind to the truth of my life… and to see now, has filled me with more joy than I ever knew existed, visions that would put to shame my life-interrupting daydreams, and a super-hero, regenerating kind of hope to carry me through the battle wounds in between.

I’ve had a dream… a daydream evolved into a lifedream that has been planted in my heart from before time began, and is now taking shape into the form that is my being, my energy, my light, and everything that is a part of who I am from the sharp tongue to the overflowing heart to the fiery blood that pumps fierceness through my veins. I am like no other in this world and expect nothing less than objection and rejection for being unlike the like. The ‘like’ here being a wife with 2 1/2 kids, a successful career woman, a 9 to 5 honest living participator, a homeowner, a debt free adult, a routine, punctual, responsible member of society. Or the ‘like’ being a legalistic, politically correct peacemaker. All of these are someone. Whether right or wrong is not this issue… the issue at hand is what I am NOT. And what I am not has presented itself so clearly in my three decades that my years of fighting to conform have only proved futile. The core and rawness of who I really am has scratched its way to the surface of my public life, and it has presented itself as a monumental revelation that to live… TO LIVE… the desires that scream deep inside my seemingly perpendicular mind, the idiosyncrasies MUST be embraced, performed and celebrated!

Romans 12:6 tells us that God has given each of us the ability to do certain things well… and that we should stick with what we know. This doesn’t always mean that we ‘know’ what we know, or that it is what we have learned up to this point of our existence. This could mean something that we secretly desire, that distracts us from our daily routine, that nags us at random moments, or maybe an arbitrary thought that has never taken shape, simply because it doesn’t fit into the ‘plan’ of our life. Why is it that things have to be so organized, structured, and complete with ‘hospital corners’ so we can bounce a quarter off of our securely and tightly packaged life? (Sorry I’m an army brat… look it up!)

Lately, I have felt a bit like Benjamin Button… going backwards with my life and feeling younger in spirit than ever before. Could it be my Peter Pan complex? My inability to commit or ‘just make a decision’ as many in my past would like to say? Or the ultimate and complete surrender of my life to my awesome heavenly Father… my source of true love, impenetrable peace, and genuine happiness?

More than ever before He keeps reminding me of the importance of a ‘child-like’ spirit, complete with the freedom and appreciation of the pure and simple. “What is in your heart, my child,” He whispers, “What makes your soul yearn and your heart pound with excitement? Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks, but me. Don’t think of how complex your dreams should be.”

“My dream, Father,” I say, ” is to dance, to sing, to play. I long to hold, to kiss, to love each day. I want to paint and write and read all about You. To speak every language, to taste, to see, to touch and photograph every inch of Your creation. But in the same breath, Father, I want to fight, to scream, to lead this world into another state of being! A state of truth, of love, of light! To dare to speak Your name into our children’s ears to break down the walls and the enemy’s chains. Can I do this, Father? Is it all as real as I feel?”

“Yes, my child, it is all very real. If you seek me with your whole being you will clearly see the path I have laid out before you. It will not be easy or free from pain, but, in the process, my child, you will receive every last detail of your dream…yet even better. You will run free in the world I have created for you… to play, to see, to dance, to sing… and I want you to share this dream with each that I have entrusted to you. And to you, my child, I have entrusted the world. You will speak to nations and battle giants. You will bring glory to My name through your pure and simple desire to love and empower my children to live for Me and not the world. You, my daughter, were created for the purpose of setting free, delivering from evil, finding the lost, mending the broken, and gathering the remaining disciples left on this earth. No one will harm you or take you away from my protective arms. You are my anointed one. You are my star. Just remember, daughter, that I am already victorious, and anything you do in My name has already been conquered and delivered. All you have to do is ask… and believe!”

As I sit and write this blog on the edge of my bed I realize my words are not my words… and my thoughts are not my thoughts. I truly have His spirit residing in my soul, and the more I let go and surrender, the easier the words and visions come. I am exhausted… I am weak… I am bruised… and I am broken. I, my friends, now and forever admit fleshly defeat, and surrender my soul to the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the source of true love and strength… for it is He that speaks to you, it is He that loves you, it is He that sees into the unseen parts of your heart… past the tears and through the fears. It is He that gives you strength. It is He that I long to see in my reflection, to hear from my lips, and to feel as he uses my hands, my feet, my heart to do His work… to speak His life… to praise His name. It is He that calls YOU to do the same!