Why is it that we doubt God’s faithfulness? At what moment do we really consider our lives “totally dependent on him” and to what extent to we truly trust in Him? What will it take?

I feel as though my faith has and is being tested every step of this project. From the moment I left my career as a financial advisor and said goodbye to security, I knew I was in store for some crazy tests of faith and strength on my part… I just never knew how much… or for that matter, how much I would change in the process.

So to prove that God’s timing is perfect and that he LOVES to test our faith and wait until the last minute…(literally within 24 hours of our deadline date) this is what has happened:

Problem #1: Without a job or current income, I was wondering what I would do to pay my bills while working on getting this magazine out in time. I also panicked at the thought of doing my taxes, knowing that I had worked as an independent contractor at 2 of my jobs and had not set aside any money to pay. Not to mention that I had no idea how to DO my taxes this year with like (3) W-2’s, (2) 1099’s, and the business expenses that I had (from Peace Project Productions). How was I going to pay an accountant, much less pay my taxes!?!?

God’s Solution #1: I met a girl named Valerie RANDOMLY at a church event one evening. In passing she mentioned she could give me information on starting my 501C3 because she was an accountant. Weeks later, she sent a mass text to everyone in her phone notifying people of her number change. I did not have her number initially so through trying to find out who she was, the conversation ended with her helping me with my taxes… for FREE! 4 hours later I realized that I was GETTING BACK over $1600 and discovered an amazing new friendship! That buys me about a month time for my bills. To top things off, the 2 companies that I had worked for last year have started calling me for more jobs (photography & event planning), which regardless of the amount or the time, I will TAKE!

Problem#2: The potential “sponsor” that owns the printing company in Vegas finally contacted us to discuss the extent of his help. After our meeting, he agreed to provide $5,000 per month for 12 months for the printing of the magazine to get us started! Bad news is, because he is in the process of selling the company and needs to put this in his closing contract (that part of the sale requires the new owner to honor this agreement) this could  take at least a few weeks, which is not enough time to get it done by the launch date next month, which would have put us one month behind, which means all the work we did that pertained to the April date would have been lost.

God’s Solution #2: I thought to call the original printing company in North Carolina to see what they could do to help us with cutting cost, etc. to see if we could even get the magazine printed in time for the 28th. After a few quotes and some negotiating, They have agreed to buy a full page ad space for a month for $500, which leaves our printing cost at about $3770. I had 24 hours to come up with the remainder of this money. Between myself, my friends and my staff we spent the next few hours sending out emails and text messages to everyone we could think of that may be able to help. Well, we got a response from one of our very own youth leaders at our church who has agreed to write us a check tonight for $3700!!

After an embarrassing conversation with the poor guy through sobs and thank you’s, I have realized that no matter how much I try and pray, trusting God completely is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do… but He continues to prove Himself faithful and true. Why do I question my path? This project? It is all Him and none of me! I am just the messenger… the vessel… the weak and broken little daughter that needs to just TRUST her heavenly father. What is it that I have to lose? Worldly stuff? Bahh Who cares! I have to gain an entire kingdom!

Father YOU are the love of my life. My provider, my fortress, my rock. YOU are the protector of all and the light that shines ahead of me to guide my way. I pray that You continue to guide me straight and never let me veer off my path. Allow me to be Your reflection and the oracle through which You speak to others. Give me comfort and peace in knowing that YOU are much bigger than my bills and my deadlines. That YOU are in control and smiling from heaven at the obedience, joy and faithfulness of your generous and loving servants here on earth that are obedient to Your call. Thank you Father… Thank you Father… Thank you Father.

P.S. I would like to dedicate this issue to a young 15 year old girl named Hannah Sexton. We were suppose to interview Hannah for our May “On The Edge” article, highlighting our amazing and talented youth that are involved in extreme sports. Hannah passed away in a dirt bike accident on Sunday before we could speak with her. May God’s peace be with her family and may her soul rest in the eternal presence of our Lord Jesus Christ. Satan you have NO authority over God’s children! In Jesus Name we will RISE UP against you the more you attack… may you live in fear for eternity of God’s chosen people!

Hanna Sexton RIP