Don’t you just love the roller-coaster of emotions? I think they are all derived from a fun little cocktail we create made up of 1 part insecurity, 2 parts fear, 3 parts frustration, 4 parts of hopes & dreams, and probably the rest is just knowing that you will never REALLY know what is going to happen! Wow, that was a horrible metaphor.. anyhoo, without trying to be all creative let’s just say that it really really stinks (yes that’s a technical word). I mean, one day I’m high as a kite full of joy, excitement and love just pouring out onto everyone I meet, not worried about a thing… the next moment I am going crazy just trying to figure out how the heck I am doing to do all of the things I need to do in such a short amount of time! I have even forgotten to eat for the past week and a half! (So much for waiting to start the 21 day fast!) To top things off I’m one of those people who loves to be loved by everyone, so I tend to get a bit upset when someone doesn’t like me or something I do. I know that is a weakness, but I am naturally a people pleaser! Wow, what a task God has placed in my heart! This path is not going to be easy for me at all knowing that there will be sooo much push-back and negativity that I will encounter simply trying to BE a Christian, break down the walls and the “laws” of Christianity to promote unity among all denominations, and encourage teenagers to live a God-first life. So now what? Is there a secret or a magical answer to leveling out the emotions? Nah.. don’t think so. I mean, being a woman it is hard to NOT be a big ball of emotions, but I know there are things I could do to probably even things out. I think I should probably start by eating at least 3 meals a day, maybe drinking more water, exercising, starting and ending my day reading more of His word, and not worrying so much!! Talk about my faith being tested!

Ok, so last week I visited my small business counselor at the Small Business Development Center. I pretty much had most of my ducks in a row and really just needed to know how I was really going to make this happen. I mean most of my life has consisted of a lot of dreams and expectations of what I would ultimately do… this is actually happening! I mean, there are people that I have told about this project, not to mention the 35+ people on my team that are helping me write the articles, design the magazine, take the photos, plan the events & spread the word! I can’t back down now!! So what is left to do…. Well, he told me that I needed to have a stronger revenue model… that I needed to think of how I was going to really make money because I really didn’t have a fool-proof plan. But who does? That’s pretty much where I was hoping the funds would just happen to fall in my lap. Does it not work that way? I figured if I told enough people that they would just donate money to help out of the kindness of their hearts! Ok, so for about an hour and a half, my business counselor filled my cranium with a million details and “assignments” to have completed for our next meeting. Now I had to go home and regurgitate it all back to myself and my team.

Ok, so I registered my business of Peace Project Productions as an LLC instead of a non-profit for a reason. I really didn’t want to be governed by a board of directors that could eventually make the decision to over-rule me or push me out of my own position. I DO, however, want to be able to take donations and apply for grants… ultimately I realized that the non-profit sector was the way to go. I didn’t realize that I could be a board member too! Gosh, why is all this business stuff and tax info sooo complicated and sooo tedious! Am I ever going to learn all there is to know? Ok, I know that I probably won’t, but right now I really don’t have the money to hire an accountant or a lawyer so I only pray that until I have the money, I don’t get sued or register something incorrectly or get arrested for something I did or didn’t do with my business tax forms. Oh God please help me and give me guidance! Thank the Lord for the random people He has put in my life that know more about this stuff than I do so I can at least take the next step… which right now is why I am converting my LLC to a corporation and registering for a non-profit status. Wheewwww! (Not sure how to sigh on the internet, so that’s what that was, fyi). All I need now is another $250 to register my non-profit status… gosh it just never ends! Can a girl get at least 5 numbers right on a lotto ticket??? I mean, is it really possible to raise $10,000 by March so that we can get the first issue out and plan this public launch party/concert? Well, it truly is in God’s hands now. I sent out a donation letter to everyone I know on my email list, facebook and myspace. Also sent it to my 35+ team members to have them send it out to everyone they know. I did what I can do… now all I can do is wait. Maybe I just need to go pray, go sleep, go decompress so I can maybe organize the madness in my brain tomorrow!